A to Z of D & P
by LizzysSongs
Summary: Alphabetical tale of Dan & Phil's relationship. Rated T for a bit of swearing. My first fanfiction, please be nice :)
1. A & B

**A** ware (Japanese) The bittersweetness of a brief and grading moment of transcendent beauty.

The moment Dan saw Phil for the first time was on a train station. He had just arrived in Manchester, ready to start university there, when he caught sight of a black mop of hair. He only caught a glimpse of him, since they were on different platforms and there were a lot of other passengers around, but he remembers thinking 'What a nice way to start my new life here.'

 **B** akku-shan (Japanese) someone who looks better from behind.

The second time Dan saw Phil was at university. It was his first ever seminar on his very first day so he was there extra early. Okay, admittedly he wanted to get a seat in the very back so that he could play on his phone if this was going to turn out being super boring. Nonetheless, he was one of the first students there and got his favored seat. Only problem was, he now had loads of time to kill, so he took out his phone to check twitter for a bit. He only looked up again when the teacher entered the room and suddenly his eyes found that same mop of unruly black hair a few rows in front of him. He sighed internally. Never ever could that person, whoever he was, look as good from the front as he did from behind.


	2. C & D

**C** wtch (Welsh) refers to a certain type of affectionate hug — by giving someone a "cwtch," you're providing them with a "safe place."

Over the course of the semester Dan actually managed to befriend the guy with the black hair, Phil, and they hung out a lot. It was a mystery to Dan how he had managed to get an awesome friend like this, so for the sake of their friendship, he shoved the thought of him finding Phil attractive to the back of his mind. But then, when Phil hugged him, that was a little hard to do. They _were_ platonic hugs, like best friends often shared, but they _felt_ different. Dan felt safe in his arms, like no one could ever hurt him there. It was his happy place. His safe place.

 **D** épaysement (French) When someone is taken out of their own familiar world into a new one.

It was Phil's idea, really. He was done studying one year after they met and Dan was struggling with basically _all_ of his courses. So when Phil brought up the whole youtube thing, Dan felt unsure about it. Yes, he could see himself making videos. No, he could not see himself explaining to his parents that he decided to quit university on a whim to try out this new thing, which could backfire real quick. But, as with everything that had to do with Phil in his life, he decided to take a leap into unfamiliar territory.


	3. E & F

**E** sculhambação (Portuguese) referring to the mess that comes about as a result of organizational incompetence.

Dan was messy. He knew this. It had just never been a problem so far, his parents didn't really care about what he did in his own room and when he moved out to Manchester he had gotten a small flat of his own, where he could be as messy as he liked. It wasn't the kind of messy where you didn't find misplaced items again; Dan knew exactly where everything was. Most of the time.  
Now though, when Phil asked him to move in together, he was kinda embarrassed about all of this.

 **F** remdschämen (German) to feel ashamed about something someone else has done

Dan always felt like Phil _had_ to be ashamed of him. He just wasn't good when it came to social situations. He always made a fool of himself; he always found some kind of way to be embarrassing. He knew this. But he didn't know how to change it. One day he actually apologized to Phil about this.  
He said: "I'm sorry I'm always being so embarrassing. You must be feeling awkward."  
And Phil just answered: "Dan, I could never be ashamed of you."  
From then on out, Dan wasn't as easily embarrassed as before.


	4. G & H

**G** oya (Urdu) meaning the suspension of disbelief one feels while hearing a really good story.

In Dan's opinion, Phil was the best story teller. For example, his videos were always really entertaining and enrapturing. But those were _made_ this way, those were written and planned out. Phil could also tell stories spontaneously, in fact he told Dan every story in his videos before he films them and oftentimes Dan enjoys those times more than when he watches the video afterwards. He just leaves some small details out of the videos which make the stories even more fascinating in Dan's opinion. He loves watching Phil's face in these moments, watching his eyes light up like a child's and his hands come up to gesticulate wildly to make Dan _understand_. He tells these stories so good that Dan almost can't believe they really happened to him.

 **H** ikikomori (Japanese) an adolescent who has withdrawn from social life, often obsessed with video games, television and internet, and rarely ever leaves one's room.

Before Phil stepped into his life, Dan was a loner. He didn't like going outside just for the hell of it, just to 'meet up' or 'have fun'. He had just as much fun, if not more, at home in his room. He really did, he was good company. He used to spend hours on end playing video games alone in his room or on the internet and, don't get me wrong, he still enjoys doing that occasionally. But now, with Phil around, he keeps spending more and more time with him. And if that means actually leaving the house once in a while with no exact goal where to go to then so be it.


	5. I & J

**I** ktsuarpok (Inuit) To go outside to check if anyone is coming.

Phil was out shopping and Dan was anxious. He needed Phil to get back here. He really, really did. At every little noise coming from outside, he ran to the window looking out onto the street to see if it was Phil. This really wasn't very sensible, being in a big city such as London and all.  
When the suspense got too much for him, he actually grabbed his jacket and went outside to check if he could see him down the street or something. He couldn't, so he went back inside.

 **J** ayus (Indonesian) A joke so poorly told and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh.

They were filming a gaming video for Undertale, which was already full of bad puns, but they still tried to outdo the game. Dan was feeling pretty confident in his pun making ability, because he already managed to get a laugh out of Phil. But then Phil made a really really bad joke and suddenly Dan couldn't stop laughing. He really tried, but it just wasn't possible. Suddenly he felt tears of laughter begin to form in his eyes, he was heaving with laughter so much. When he noticed Phil looking at him strangely he finally managed to compose himself, running a hand over his face and saying "We'll need to cut that out."  
Phil just smiled at him.


	6. K & L

**K** oi no yokan (Japanese) The feeling you get when you meet someone for the first time and think you're going to fall in love with them.

Dan often thinks back to that day when he met Phil for the first time. It wasn't love at first sight, by no means. Dan believes that love needs to grow and develop, he believes in attraction at first sight but not love. Still, back then he had that strange feeling deep inside that he never felt before. Like maybe this could be something. Maybe this could _develop_ into something.  
He was right.

 **L** itost (Czech) a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one's own misery.

Dan was having an existential crisis. He was miserable because of a sudden insight he had. He was in love with Phil. Not just a stupid crush or an attraction, he was full on _in love_ and he was _sure_ Phil didn't reciprocate these feelings. Hell, he didn't even know if Phil was attracted to boys in any way. Probably not. And that was just his luck, because he had had another realization that same day: He couldn't ignore this any longer, he needed to address it somehow, get it out of his mind. Then maybe he could get over it, he only needed Phil to shut him down for good.


	7. M & N

**M** amihlapinatapei (Yagan) The wordless, yet meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something but are both reluctant to start.

The first time it happened, that he felt Phil _look_ at him in a way that maybe wasn't platonic anymore, they were just done filming the first Phil is not on fire video. They had had so much fun and were still laughing and talking excitedly about the video when the camera was off. Sat on Phil's bed they recounted basically the entire video like that, saying things like "and then you did…", "and then that question…" "…and your face was priceless!" Slowly they calmed down from another laughing fit and just stared at each other, both having that _look_ on their face without recognizing it on the others'.

 **N** ivroku (Ukrainian) used to express the wish not to bring unhappiness, especially via the evil eye.

"No, Phil, that guy definitely glared at you!"  
"That's no reason to freak out like that, Dan. There'll always be people that hate others for no particular reason," Phil argued.  
"But, but-," Dan tried to find the right words. "He looked like he wanted to kill you or something! That's not a look you give just anybody."  
"Nonetheless, it was just a _look_ , Dan. Calm down a bit, okay?"  
Dan sighed. "Okay, okay. I just…don't want you to get hurt."


	8. O & P

**O** tsukaresama (Japanese) "You're tired", used to tell someone that you appreciate their hard work

"Go to bed," Dan said. "It's late and you're tired."  
"No it's okay. I can finish this."  
"Phil. I know that you can. You've proven that many times over. Let me stay up and finish the video so it'll be up tomorrow. Seriously, you need some sleep, you look like someone from The Walking Dead."  
"Well in that case I hope it's Norman Reedus. Thanks Dan. Goodnight."  
"Night, Phil," Dan whispered after him. "It's definitely Norman Reedus."

 **P** rozvonit (Czech) to call a mobile phone and let it ring once so that the other person will call back.

Dan was scared to call. He had his finger over the last digit for ten seconds now. He really needed to tell Phil, tell Phil _right now_. But he couldn't. He sighed and put the phone down, only to pick it back up again.  
"Get a grip, Dan," he mumbled and finally dialed the number. He heard one 'beep' and immediately hung up.  
Well, at least now Phil will see that he called and probably call him back.  
That gave him some time to come up with an excuse why he called.


	9. Q & R

**Q** ueesting (Dutch) verb dedicated to inviting a lover into your bed for some pillow talk.

Dan couldn't sleep. His head spun with endless possibilities of how he would tell Phil the truth. At 4 in the morning he finally had enough. He really _needed_ some sleep, he really did. So he got up and knocked lightly on Phil's bedroom door. Phil wasn't a very heavy sleeper so Dan wasn't surprised when he heard a silent "come in" from the other side.  
"Hey…I can't sleep."  
"Okay…?"  
"I wanted to tell you something, but…I forgot."  
"That's okay; it'll probably come back to you in the morning."  
Dan didn't know what to say now, so he kinda just awkwardly stood in the doorway.  
"Do you…wanna sleep over?"  
"What, like, in your bed?"  
"Yeah, we could just talk a bit until you're tired enough to fall asleep."  
"That…actually sounds good. Okay. Shove over."  
They talked for only 15 minutes until Dan felt his eyelids close.

 **R** azbliuto (Russian) the sentimental feeling you have about someone you used to love.

Yeah, no, this wasn't going to work. He had fuckin _slept_ in Phil's bed and still hadn't confessed. And poor Phil had just innocently offered Dan another night in his bed if he couldn't sleep again. This definitely wasn't working. If Dan wasn't able to get the words out and man up, maybe he just had to go back to forgetting about this stupid infatuation. It couldn't be that hard, could it? Maybe he just needed to physically stay away from Phil for a while. Out of sight, out of the mind, right? But fuck this was going to be hard to do. He just couldn't imagine not loving Phil anymore and not spending every free minute with him. But he had to try, for their friendships sake.


	10. S & T

**S** audade (Portuguese) refers to the feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost.

This was so hard. Dan was now 3 days into his self-imposed Phil-deprivation and the withdrawal was affecting him a lot more than he thought it would. The worst part was though that Phil didn't even seem to notice that Dan wasn't spending as much time with him as before. He hadn't asked once what was up with Dan and that was bothering him more than anything. Why hadn't Phil noticed that Dan wasn't up for gaming or watching anime or basically _anything_ these past few days? Were they not as close as he thought they were?

 **T** ingo (Pascuense) the act of taking objects one desires from the house of a friend by gradually borrowing all of them.

Dan had a problem. He really needed to stop this newly acclaimed habit. It was day 5 of his little experiment and Phil had gone out shopping when Dan had had an idea. _Maybe_ this whole thing would be easier if he had a little memento of Phil in his room. So, pathetic as he was, he snuck into Phil's room and "borrowed" a shirt of his, in which he now slept. Rationally, Dan knew this wasn't going to help him _any_ with his mission, but he was…relapsing. Or something. And it at least _seemed_ to help at first. But the next day, the shirt already didn't really smell like Phil anymore, more like a weird mix of their smells, so Dan needed something new. This time he went for one of Phil's plushies, not the lion of course since Phil would notice him missing immediately. And so it went on and on until day 10, when Phil noticed something was missing and came into Dan's room to ask him if he'd seen it.


	11. U & V

**U** ffda (Swedish) This Swedish exclamation is a sympathetic word to use when someone else is in pain.

"Dan! Dan have you seen my-," Phil was interrupted by a squawk from behind the door he just opened. Or tried to, anyway. Because the door didn't open all the way since there was someone standing (hiding) behind it.  
"Don't come in! Please!"  
"Dan, what's wrong? Why are you hiding behind the door? Is everything okay?" Phil tried to pry the door away to look behind it, but Dan held onto it as if his life was depending on it.  
"Dan, what are you doing? Let go of the door! Come on, I'm your best friend, what's going _on_ with you lately?"  
At that, Dan sighed and let go of the door, not realizing Phil still pulled at it with all his might and consequently fell backwards onto the floor, hitting his head on the doorframe.

 **V** erschlimmbesserung (German) an attempted improvement that just made things worse.

"Shit! I'm so, so sorry Phil! I didn't want this. Fuck. Are you okay?"  
Phil rubbed at the back of his head, face contorted in pain.  
"Ouch…yeah I think…I think I'm okay. There's no blood at least."  
"I really am so sorry Phil."  
"It's really okay Dan; I know you didn't do it on purpose. Now, will you tell me what's going on? And why are you wearing my shirt?"  
'Shit,' Dan thought. 'Now I gotta tell him. And I just made everything worse. Why did I do that? Now I have to explain all of it. Fuck.'


	12. W & X

**W** on (Korean) referring to the feeling of reluctance a person gets when letting go of an illusion.

"I, uhm, okay, so this is really hard for me to say, so pease don't laugh or be mad, or-"  
"Dan. It's okay. I'm your best friend. Just tell me already. I've missed talking to you."  
"Okay. So…I was kinda…hiding from you."  
"Hiding from me? Why?" Phil asked.  
"Well, I've come to some conclusions concerning myself and I didn't know how you'd react to it. I'm…just gonna say it. Phil, I'm bi."

 **X** ingfu (Chinese) a sort of happiness or contentedness felt through having everything you want in life and/or not having any looming worries.

"Uhm…I already kinda knew that, Dan," Phil said, taken aback.  
"What?! How?!"  
"Well, I couldn't be sure of course, but it was a little obvious after I used your laptop once when you weren't here and when I typed in the 'you' from youtube I got lots of suggestions for gay porn videos on another website. So, uhm, I kinda figured you weren't straight."  
"Woah woah wait what? I told you not to use my laptop without my permission!" Dan said, blushing _hard_. "And why haven't you ever said something about it if you knew?"  
"Well, being gay myself and all, I know how hard it is to come out and to wait for the right moment. I'm glad you found the courage to finally take this step and figure things out for yourself, Dan. It's the first step to living a happier life in general."  
Phil's speech was inspiring; Dan hadn't heard anything after the 'gay' part though. His brain kind of went into overdrive so he nearly missed Phil's next sentences.  
"I'm really glad you told me. That still doesn't explain why you're wearing my clothes and why all my stuff is in your room though."


	13. Y & Z

**Y** a'aburnee (Arabic) "You bury me," a declaration of one's hope that they'll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.

"W-well…that is b-because-," Dan couldn't finish his sentence, he couldn't think of an excuse that fast. All those drama classes at school and he still couldn't improvise in the most important moments.  
He didn't need to explain anymore though, Phil's face was already lighting up with realization.  
"Y-you! Me? Really?" Phil apparently couldn't form coherent sentences either.  
"Uhm…yeah…I guess? I mean…I really don't want to lose our friendship Phil, so if that is making you uncomfortable we can just-," apparently today was the day Dan wouldn't finish any of his sentences, because this time he was cut off by Phil's lips on his and it was the best kiss of his life. The butterflies in his stomach that were tamped down for so long were now on a rampage inside of him. He knew he could die happy now and he just might if they kept kissing like this. He just hoped he would be the first to die, because living even just a second without Phil would be unbearable from now on.

 **Z** ugzwang (German) the compulsion to make a decision.

They had now been a couple for half a year and it wasn't the easiest relationship they could imagine. They had decided to keep their relationship secret right from the start, but with that came a lot of challenges for them that put strain on their love life. They couldn't go on dates in public, couldn't hold hands or kiss outside their apartment out of fear of being discovered. Phil had reminded Dan more than once that they could just make a coming out video and get all of these problems out of the way at once, but Dan had always replied that he wasn't ready to do that yet. After all it had only been a few months of being together.  
But after his latest disagreement with Phil, in which he actually managed to drive Phil out of the apartment, he felt like he _had_ to make a move. He felt like maybe he was finally ready. But he didn't feel like filming a teary coming out video or anything like that. So he spent his next free hours - while Phil was gone - by editing together some outtakes of their collabs with each other from the last 6 months. They showed clearly that they were in a relationship: kissing, holding hands, cuddling, etc.  
He titled the video "Edit that bit out" and uploaded it to his youtube channel, without waiting for Phil, because he knew he would be more than fine with it.

When Phil came home about ten minutes after the video was uploaded, Dan was proven right.


End file.
